Deathhawk's lycan app.(Waiting for review)

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    deathhawkdown

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    Deathhawk's lycan app.(Waiting for review)

    Post by deathhawkdown on Wed Oct 01, 2014 5:02 pm

    Steam Name: Deathhawkdown

     

    Steam ID:STEAM_0:1:51244079

     

    Why do you think you should get this whitelist?: I think I could bring a lot to the lycan community (of the three only lycans I ever see on)

    How long have you been roleplaying for?: 2 years: I am fairly new to roleplaying on G-mod, but I am no stranger to roleplaying in games(I have a group of friends who I do RP's with on Halo, Supreme Commander 2, and other games.). So I would rate my RP skills on 1 to 10 at a good solid 7

     

    Write the backstory of your character:

    Alex Golden was born into a family of emu farmers. For as far back as he can remember, his weekends were spent at his family farm trying to help as much as a young child could, whether it was fixing pen fences or working on the 4-wheelers. Soon, they sold the emus and the farm. Alex, now age nineteen, went into military service. After an accident that almost cost an NCO his life,  he was discharged. Unable to face his family, he changed his last name to the first thing that came to mind. This was some golden paint they were using at the courthouse he was getting his name changed. He moved from city to city, running from people that recognized him from the news. This led him to LA, he bought a small Apartment on the outskirts of the city with the last of his money, and started up a small one-man delivery service. Living off the small jobs that went his way, he had a good enough life. But one job would change his way of life forever.

    It all started late one night when there was a knock at his door. As he peered into the hall, he couldn’t see anyone but a package at his feet with a note telling where the drop zone is. He took the package inside and after putting the package in his pack he started out the door. He started his walk across town, the city lights and the full moon lighting his way. Unknown to him, he was being watched by inhuman eyes. As he walked, he could sense something was up; movement just in the corner of his view, the feeling of something watching him, and people closing and locking their doors and windows as he passed.  ‘Just drop the package and run,’ he thought to himself.

    As he neared the ally he was to drop the box just in he heard a claw on cinderblock sound from above him. As he look he could have sworn he saw fur, now he was freaked, He ran threw his whole backpack behind the dumpster, and turned to run out the ally. It seemed all clear till he was pounced on from above by none other than a werewolf. He never even had any time to yell for help.

    Alex ‘woke’ a few hours later, but it was like he wasn’t looking through his eyes. He was on top of the roof to his apartment and looking down on a cat( it was going to be a . He somehow knew what was coming next, he tried to move, to cry out for it to run, anything but couldn’t, his new form wouldn’t let him. His body tensed forward. ‘Please stop’ he thought, but his plea fell on a mind that was corrupted with power he knew nothing about. He felt it all; the rush of the  wind as he fell, it flesh on his claws, and the snap of it’s spine as his weight broke it, a quick kill. He was forced to watch as he dragged its body away to a more secluded spot to devour his kill. He was about halfway done when he smelled them, the DECA, two of them, one is chewing cherry flavored gum, the other had taco’s for lunch. They stopped when they saw the scene before them.

    “Got another one tonight” said the first

    “That’s two tonight” said the second

    Alex watched as he turned and charged the two only to be dropped by their Tasers. He heard that getting tazed was painful, but not this painful, every muscle in his body locked up and he fell flat on his face.

    .

    When he woke he was in a small room with a table two chairs and the bed he was laying on.

    “Ah you’re awake” a man sitting in one of the chairs said. “Please come and sit we have much to talk about”

    “Whe-where am I?” Alex asked, slightly light headed as he got up slowly and moved to sit.

    “Why you’re at a safe location, where new werewolves like yourself learn to control and live with their powers”

    “So that means...”

    “Yes it does”

    “And I?”

    “Ate some poor Cat lady’s favorite cat, yes, oh by the way you owe her three hundred dollars for the collar you destroyed, but don’t blame yourself. The first time is always the most,... ‘feral’, but don’t worry after a year or two here you should be able to have better control over yourself.” He explained.

    “Ok but did I hurt anyone?” Alex asked

    “No” The man said with a smile

    “Good, one last question”

    “Ask away”

    “When do I begin?”

    “Out this door” He said pointing to the only door “will be someone to show you to your room and give you your schedule”

    Over the next two years Alex just stayed low and went through the classes with ease. There he learned how to somewhat control himself in his new form. On the third year he was finally deemed safe to return to his home in the city.


    Last edited by deathhawkdown on Sat Oct 11, 2014 12:40 am; edited 20 times in total (Reason for editing : Finaly done)
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    deathhawkdown

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    Re: Deathhawk's lycan app.(Waiting for review)

    Post by deathhawkdown on Wed Oct 01, 2014 11:30 pm

    ..


    Last edited by deathhawkdown on Sat Oct 04, 2014 2:03 am; edited 1 time in total
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    Fuzzy Wolfy

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    Re: Deathhawk's lycan app.(Waiting for review)

    Post by Fuzzy Wolfy on Thu Oct 02, 2014 1:09 am

    I haven't seen any changes... But regardless, maybe you should've posted it when it was well and truly done.

    So far, I'm gunna' have to agree with Mesh, this application is kinda lackluster.
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    deathhawkdown

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    Re: Deathhawk's lycan app.(Waiting for review)

    Post by deathhawkdown on Thu Oct 02, 2014 1:16 am

    .


    Last edited by deathhawkdown on Thu Oct 02, 2014 1:55 am; edited 1 time in total
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    deathhawkdown

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    Re: Deathhawk's lycan app.(Waiting for review)

    Post by deathhawkdown on Thu Oct 02, 2014 1:41 am

    ..


    Last edited by deathhawkdown on Sat Oct 04, 2014 2:03 am; edited 1 time in total
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    deathhawkdown

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    Re: Deathhawk's lycan app.(Waiting for review)

    Post by deathhawkdown on Thu Oct 02, 2014 2:12 am

    ..


    Last edited by deathhawkdown on Sat Oct 04, 2014 2:03 am; edited 1 time in total
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    ZombieMesh

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    Re: Deathhawk's lycan app.(Waiting for review)

    Post by ZombieMesh on Thu Oct 02, 2014 2:59 am

    You still don't have the RP Line sections. Grammar is still pretty bad, but w/e let's ignore that.
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    deathhawkdown

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    Re: Deathhawk's lycan app.(Waiting for review)

    Post by deathhawkdown on Thu Oct 02, 2014 3:14 am

    ..


    Last edited by deathhawkdown on Sat Oct 04, 2014 2:04 am; edited 1 time in total
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    deathhawkdown

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    Re: Deathhawk's lycan app.(Waiting for review)

    Post by deathhawkdown on Thu Oct 02, 2014 3:25 am

    Could someone just hop on the TeamSpeak and help me work this out.

    Asiimov

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    Re: Deathhawk's lycan app.(Waiting for review)

    Post by Asiimov on Thu Oct 02, 2014 3:28 am

    u rgubj upi xiykd vw s food sdfsspkf hyts romf rakligm euht upi. 

    Pending till I see you RP.
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    Fuzzy Wolfy

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    Re: Deathhawk's lycan app.(Waiting for review)

    Post by Fuzzy Wolfy on Thu Oct 02, 2014 3:37 am

    My only advice;

    Take your time with the application, and don't just cut out any questions you don't want to bother with.

    Please, mull over your character's backstory a little more. I know it isn't fun to some people, but it really does reflect on how well you can carry your character for people who've not met you on-server.
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    deathhawkdown

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    Re: Deathhawk's lycan app.(Waiting for review)

    Post by deathhawkdown on Thu Oct 02, 2014 3:41 am

    ..


    Last edited by deathhawkdown on Sat Oct 04, 2014 2:04 am; edited 1 time in total

    PewPew

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    Re: Deathhawk's lycan app.(Waiting for review)

    Post by PewPew on Thu Oct 02, 2014 10:33 am

    RP lines are arbitrary. They don't need to be done.
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    Fuzzy Wolfy

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    Re: Deathhawk's lycan app.(Waiting for review)

    Post by Fuzzy Wolfy on Thu Oct 02, 2014 2:17 pm

    PewPew wrote:RP lines are arbitrary. They don't need to be done.

    Normally I'd agree if we were talking of an already well-established member who's ability to RP had already been proven to be satisfactory, but it isn't.
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    ZombieMesh

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    Re: Deathhawk's lycan app.(Waiting for review)

    Post by ZombieMesh on Sat Oct 04, 2014 7:23 am

    [Edit]
    Apparently RP lines arent required anymore.
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    ZombieMesh

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    Re: Deathhawk's lycan app.(Waiting for review)

    Post by ZombieMesh on Sat Oct 04, 2014 7:45 am

    List of things wrong with backstory

    - Assuming what was vaguely written about the army, I don't think blowing off the arm of an officer would just result in just a discharge.
    - I wouldn't exactly call the city we are in as "secluded," seeing as we're in L.A. But I dunno, there's hardly any back-story to begin with so I guess that's not too big of a deal.
    - Fables have been known about for years. It's not secluded to the city, every city would have report of them, and seeing how it mention that Alex has been moving from city to city, he shouldn't be surprised they exist. But, then again, that could just be your character being dumb or unobservant and me being nitpicky.
    - DECA didn't exist two years ago, it was FEAR back then. If they saw a transformed werewolf, they'd probably attack, capture, or kill it, not treat it like a lost puppy.
    -Along with DECA not existing two years ago, they would sure as hell not have a summer camp for Lycans. Even now, as DECA, still no. Fables are persecuted. This isn't a Percy Jackson book were kids go to camp to learn about their powers.
    - I'm assuming you're not applying for a pup because pups can't change their form on demand. Not sure what rank they can do that, but it's not a low rank. I'd honestly start as pup since you're so new to this and have been having trouble with the lore.
    -Grammar and spelling is god awful. It can be mostly forgiven if English isn't your first language, but taking some time to spell check or grammar check would be nice. I recommend putting your app on MS Word and seeing what pops up.

    Glad to see you tried. I've been pretty harsh so I'm not going to give - support, but I'm not going to give support either.
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    deathhawkdown

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    Re: Deathhawk's lycan app.(Waiting for review)

    Post by deathhawkdown on Sat Oct 04, 2014 7:52 am

    ZombieMesh wrote:List of things wrong with backstory

    - Assuming what was vaguely written about the army, I don't think blowing off the arm of an officer would just result in just a discharge.
    - I wouldn't exactly call the city we are in as "secluded," seeing as we're in L.A. But I dunno, there's hardly any back-story to begin with so I guess that's not too big of a deal.
    - Fables have been known about for years. It's not secluded to the city, every city would have report of them, and seeing how it mention that Alex has been moving from city to city, he shouldn't be surprised they exist. But, then again, that could just be your character being dumb or unobservant and me being nitpicky.
    - DECA didn't exist two years ago, it was FEAR back then. If they saw a transformed werewolf, they'd probably attack, capture, or kill it, not treat it like a lost puppy.
    -Along with DECA not existing two years ago, they would sure as hell not have a summer camp for Lycans. Even now, as DECA, still no. Fables are persecuted. This isn't a Percy Jackson book were kids go to camp to learn about their powers.
    - I'm assuming you're not applying for a pup because pups can't change their form on demand. Not sure what rank they can do that, but it's not a low rank. I'd honestly start as pup since you're so new to this and have been having trouble with the lore.
    -Grammar and spelling is god awful. It can be mostly forgiven if English isn't your first language, but taking some time to spell check or grammar check would be nice. I recommend putting your app on MS Word and seeing what pops up.

    Glad to see you tried. I've been pretty harsh so I'm not going to give - support, but I'm not going to give support either.

    Apparently you don't know as much as you think
    1st I did run this through MS word and English is my first language but I guess its so different from your cause I'm from the south.
    2nd I was told about the whole camp thing by a member of DECA
    3rd My character didn't know about fables cause he lived in a secluded area.
    4th This is the first time I have been told that the city is LA.
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    ZombieMesh

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    Re: Deathhawk's lycan app.(Waiting for review)

    Post by ZombieMesh on Sat Oct 04, 2014 7:57 am

    I'm from the south too. That doesn't excuse bad grammar. There's no such thing, really, as different type of written English unless you're talking about modern English vs Old English or different spelling such as color and colour. Or, I guess, stuff like the oxford comma. Bad grammar is bad grammar.

    - Again, DECA didn't exist two years ago, so a DECA member telling you that DECA has a camp for Lycans wouldnt be relevant to your back story cause it wouldn't have existed yet. Also, who told you that?

    -He lived in a secluded area and then proceeded to move from city to city, meaning he'd be exposed to it.

    -I could be wrong about the whole LA thing. My bad.
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    deathhawkdown

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    Re: Deathhawk's lycan app.(Waiting for review)

    Post by deathhawkdown on Sat Oct 04, 2014 8:10 am

    ZombieMesh wrote:I'm from the south too. That doesn't excuse bad grammar. There's no such thing, really, as different type of written English unless you're talking about modern English vs Old English or different spelling such as color and colour. Or, I guess, stuff like the oxford comma. Bad grammar is bad grammar.

    - Again, DECA didn't exist two years ago, so a DECA member telling you that DECA has a camp for Lycans wouldnt be relevant to your back story cause it wouldn't have existed yet. Also, who told you that?

    -He lived in a secluded area and then proceeded to move from city to city, meaning he'd be exposed to it.

    -I could be wrong about the whole LA thing. My bad.

    I would say something but I'm done, ok I'm done I get you don't want me to be on the server with you but I don't care.
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    Fuzzy Wolfy

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    Re: Deathhawk's lycan app.(Waiting for review)

    Post by Fuzzy Wolfy on Sat Oct 04, 2014 8:12 am

    To be perfectly fair, I'm from Canada - the horribly angry, French part of Canada. My mother tongue is French, I've gone to French school my entire life. If anyone should have a horrid grasp of English grammar and vocabulary, it should someone like myself - but that's not the point.

    I'm at the very least glad to see you put effort into your story, that shows you actually do care about effort, regardless of the outcome. That much, I can respect as a role player.

    However, the way I've seen you react to criticism on server is highly discomforting. The reason for that being this tells me two things;

    Either you'll react the same way if an RP doesn't go your way, or you'll refuse to take peoples comments seriously.

    Edit cause new post:
    See that's the behavior I'm talking about.
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    deathhawkdown

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    Re: Deathhawk's lycan app.(Waiting for review)

    Post by deathhawkdown on Sat Oct 04, 2014 8:16 am

    Fuzzy Wolfy wrote:To be perfectly fair, I'm from Canada - the horribly angry, French part of Canada. My mother tongue is French, I've gone to French school my entire life. If anyone should have a horrid grasp of English grammar and vocabulary, it should someone like myself - but that's not the point.

    I'm at the very least glad to see you put effort into your story, that shows you actually do care about effort, regardless of the outcome. That much, I can respect as a role player.

    However, the way I've seen you react to criticism on server is highly discomforting. The reason for that being this tells me two things;

    Either you'll react the same way if an RP doesn't go your way, or you'll refuse to take peoples comments seriously.

    Edit cause new post:
    See that's the behavior I'm talking about.

    Well I'm sorry for that it just I worked really hard on that and its now 3:00 and I just get a little cranky when tired.
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    Fuzzy Wolfy

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    Re: Deathhawk's lycan app.(Waiting for review)

    Post by Fuzzy Wolfy on Sat Oct 04, 2014 9:18 am

    All I wanted to see was effort, and I believe effort has been show, so you get my support.

    I'd still take Zombie's criticism seriously, though. He is trying to help, after all.

    Edit:
    After talking with deathhawk and seeing him role play - surprisingly well, I change my +support to a ++support.

    Dude's pretty rad.


    Last edited by Fuzzy Wolfy on Tue Oct 07, 2014 2:39 am; edited 2 times in total

    Asiimov

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    Re: Deathhawk's lycan app.(Waiting for review)

    Post by Asiimov on Sat Oct 04, 2014 11:14 am

    Can you guys stop putting your personal input on someone else's application? All your doing to de-motivating him. Move the fuck on.


    In other words, we'll-- or I and Pew will review your application.
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    Vampyr

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    Re: Deathhawk's lycan app.(Waiting for review)

    Post by Vampyr on Sat Oct 11, 2014 6:16 am

    I'll lean towards authing it on a trail basis if you understand that you can lose it just like that for fucking up. Does that sound fair?
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    deathhawkdown

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    Re: Deathhawk's lycan app.(Waiting for review)

    Post by deathhawkdown on Sat Oct 11, 2014 6:17 am

    Vampyr wrote:I'll lean towards authing it on a trail basis if you understand that you can lose it just like that for fucking up. Does that sound fair?

    Yes.

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